Now it’s time to let little Hrimnir introduce himself in his own words. To The Mistress fell the heavy task to translate his squeals and miews into something we simians can understand and I think I made a pretty good job of it. And yes, even as I’m typing this the tyke is sitting on my lap at my keyboard, supervising every tip and tap like a pro.
‘Ellow !! I is Hrimnir. I is mighty impressive kitten. Big bad kitties make wiiide walk around me ‘coz me so fierce and furrocious they so init… itim.. imtin… scared of big me. Yay ! Big hiss for Hrimnir !
I not unnerstand big bad kitties. I make great hiss so they know who is boss and they swap me, and they pawl me over. I wanna be friends and play and they pawl me over again and make big hiss at me. Is no fun wif big bad kitties.
Big bad kitties mighty soft and warm fur-fur but you think they let me sleep wif them ? Noooo. They bad kitties. I must sleep with the apes who have no fur-fur. Big Grumpy Ape has a bit of fur-fur in his face and he purrs at sleep. I purr too and snuggle close and make happy paw-paws in his face-fur. Big Grumpy Ape stops purring and swaps me. What did I wrong ?
I is big eater. Big apes don’t bring ’nuff food fast ’nuff. So I is open big mouth and make yell they get the message. I is to train them hard. They need much training. I ask Long-Fur Ape why she no give me milky all day. She says is bad for little kitty to drink so much milk. But I no little kitty !! I is big kitty ! But she says if you big kitty you drink water like the big bad kitties then. Aarrggh ! They no unnerstand !!
I is now live in a big house. I lived in other house with Mama before Long-Fur Ape took me away in great growler thing. She say she my new Mama and big bad kitties my big brofers. She lies. I had brofers. They were no big bad kitties. They were sweet playmates. But she say I now have brofer Ban-Ban, brofer Lou-Lou and brofer Zorro. Long-fur Ape says I now have her for Mama and Big Grumpy Ape for Papa and Big Big Big Big Ape for Uncle. Crazy apes.
I is happy wif my new toys. I have little ball wif feathurs and ‘nother little ball wif feathurs, and a stick wif feathurs (I LIKES feathurs) and bouncy ball and bouncy ball that makes noisey and tinkle ball and fur-fur-thingy and mouse-on-a-ball and ‘nother fur-fur thingy, there’s also ball-in-a-ball and big fur-fur thingy. Then in the garden I have crawly-thingies and fly-thingies to chase and green springy stuff to hunt down and nibble on. I have climbing thing and scritching thing and a housey I can creep in and climb on. There is a box I want to sleep in but Long-Fur Ape says no, is no good for kitty, it has figh-ting-ro-bot-parts and if Big Grumpy Ape no look out he ships me to England in da box. What is an England ?
I is big kitten and also very neat kitten. I know good to go do-do outside in da garden and cover up like good tidy kitten. If I cannot make hole ‘coz I not strong ’nuff, I is clever and cover up with green springy stuff. But sometimes I not quick ’nuff to go into da garden and then I is make bad mistake in da house. First time I did bad mistake Big Grumpy Man ran out of da house. He says I stinky monster. But I knows where he does his do-do, and boy…
I like to sit on lap or shoulder of Long-Fur Ape. She is nice. I sit on shoulder and lick-lick her face. She thinks I do that ‘coz I like her. But I do that ‘coz she drinks milk and forgets to wash her face after that. I also love to do biteys on her paws. I tried to do bitey on her leg but I hurt my mouth ‘coz I couldn’t open it far ’nuff. I may be big kitten but I’m not that big. And at night she takes me up to the Big Nest. Is great and fluffy soft Big Nest for a kitten to play in. I hop and hop and hop all over. Then I snuggles close to Long-Fur Ape and curl up nicely warm in her paws.
So, that is my big int… itro… ducty… whadever. Many lick-lickss from Hrimnir The Terrible.
Is I not a mighty hunter ?