When you’re small and terribly, overwhelmingly, all-consumingly curious, the world is fraught with dangers unknown and strange happenings abound that could spell your doom were you not careful. Alas, “careful” is not on the kitten-curriculum and so it is up to Mama Cat, or in her absence the hapless simian caretaker, to try and protect you -the tyke in question- onto the periled path of painful experience.
Now, consider the dangers that could befell any curious kitten, and which you in specific are wont to attract like a megawatt magnet:
– You can fall off a tree or any other high object you endeavoured to climb, like cupboards, chairs, garden walls and the trash can. When the trash can falls with you there is the added bonus of opened tin cans with razor-sharp edges and enticing bits of food in/on them.
– You can be found happily munching on some cord or whatever, usually black, white or grey plastic, and the simians start to panic. Little do you know that Mr. Electricity is not a nice person, and is waiting just under the surface of said cord for you to reach him so he can give you the most gawd-almighty! kick of your lifetime. The latter which can be subsequently measured in nanoseconds.
– You can climb into a big white cupboard in search for that perfect place to nap, suddenly get company from all kinds of snuggly cloths, and then get to enjoy the wildest ride of your life. If you survive. Either you get very very wet, or you get very very hot. You will not, however, be very very happy.
– You jump onto the couch, knowing it is very soft and comfy for a nap, and snuggle close against something furry and warm. You do not distinguish between a snoring Zorro who is extremely dangerous and a fake snake who is not.
– Grumpy Man has a lathe in the House of Chaos which produces lovely metal, aluminium and HDPE chips for you to play with. Can your stomach handle them ?
– The spindle of that lathe turns real fast which looks most exciting. Just the thing to try and catch…
– It is early morning. Much to your towering surprise Bouncing Psycho is up and moving. He is making a beeline towards the coffee machine. You are standing in his way. Who will win ? Let me give you a hint: you’ll get an intimate acquaintance with Mister Floor, and -truth to tell- Bouncing Psycho will not have noticed this until after his third cuppa.
– The Mistress is in the Kitchen of Chaos, involved with something that smells heavenly and which you absolutely MUST sample. You decide that the fastest way up is by her legs. She is, however, not wearing long trousers today. And the shiny thing she is holding in her paws is sharp.
-The front door of the House of Chaos is left open by an careless visitor. The wide, unknown, but doubtless exciting, world beckons ! You take a giant leap towards freedom and land on something black you’ve never seen before. You suddenly look up in bewilderment as a roaring dragon approaches out of nowhere with a speed you can’t judge.
– Grumpy Man lies snoring in The Nest. His face-fur bristles, mesmerizing you. You can’t help but pounce.
– There is this white porcelain thingy in the Bathroom and you suddenly see water rushing in it. You jump, and then discover there’s a tube at the bottom of the thingy and the water is rushing you towards it…
Come to think of it, it will be a miracle if you grow into cat-hood at all: eleven very real dangers.. nine proverbial lives… care to find out how statistics work ?
Choose your bedfellows wisely me-lad.