Imagine the ugliest, most hideous, wacky vase that could only have been spawned by the sick imagination but deft hands of a crazy potter. It was useless too… because it wasn’t glazed right you couldn’t keep water in it so the vase could only contain fake flowers. It wasn’t even straight, it was crooked. Just the kind of failed pottery you would find at pride of place amongst the prizes in your club’s annual raffle. And yes, I once won such a monstrosity. And yes, I cherished it.
Never question a woman’s penchant for and love of ugly things.
But Zorro clearly did. After more than 10 years of having had to share the House of Chaos with this eye-sore our grumpy kitty decided that enough was enough and that the House could not sport both a Zorro and … well … that. The Vase had survived the Dreaded Tail of Death (owned by the late woofie Critter), it had survived two moves (from the House of Chaos to the House of Small Pleasures and back to the House of Chaos – long story), it had even survived the curiosity of no less than 14 kittens and one pup, not to mention the occasional clean-up by a terribly and fatally clumsy Mistress and the arrival of a Bouncing Psycho whose legendary habit of breaking things simply by being in the vicinity has given birth to a new verb … and Zorro finally had enough.
He sort of took things in his own paws. Now, that didn’t go as smoothly as you think it would. For one thing, Zorro had to scale the Cupboard of Many Treasures. He knew that The Mistress would be more than terribly put off if he managed to crash the top half of said Cupboard. So he had to be careful about that. He had to wait until the ironing board was positioned just so, and then make his fateful jump. Then he had to negotiate the various objects that litter the top of the Cupboard of Many Treasures: a serving plate, a Russian doll, some candle-holders, a small coffee pot, an ice-bucket, a small replica of the Shroud of Turin, a doll dressed like Mary Mother of God, and a small statue of Drizzt Do’Urden (made by the Mistress herself, and yes, she was sure to have used unbreakable materials for that one). You don’t want a list of what is IN the Cupboard Of Many Treasures, trust me.
Then Zorro had to isolate the vase from the clutter and shove it gently over to the side. The side however holds a decorative ridge that -incidentally- protects the objects from falling down. It wouldn’t deter a determined kitty though. And so he pushed.
The crash was a beaut. A resounding explosion of sound that bespoke of terrible disaster and horrible calamity, that typical sound only pottery can make when it breaks into several large -and quite a lot of very small- pieces upon a tiled floor. It caused poor little Frankette to flee the House in sudden fright and Hrimnir to come running towards it in equally sudden interest, and it sent Bean-Sidhe and Loup-Garou, who are better acquainted with the temper of The Mistress than the younger ones, looking for a hiding place from which to safely follow the proceedings. From the looks on their furry little faces they were clearly happily anticipating the Mother of all Punishments to descend upon that sorry brute Zorro, but then I had to disappoint them…
How can you be angry at such a valiant deed ? How can you punish the brave kitty who did what one had dreaded to do during all these years ? I couldn’t get it over my heart to throw away the monstrosity, for it was usefully holding a bunch of fake flowers in front of the Mother Mary doll, yet brave decisive Zorro did. And he apparently did so with a flourish to boot ! Not for him the push-and-run, oh no ! He just sat there on top of the Cupboard, looking smug, whiskers a-quiver, at ease and peace with the world for all to see, furry lithe body radiating “I did it” in the mega-watt range. I tell you: this kitty has style…
And in order to disappoint and frustrate the other kitties even further, he had managed to break the last breakable object I had left within cat-reach. This means that none of the others will ever be able to achieve the same height in Cat-ness, that the very pinnacle of über-felinity will be forever beyond the reach of their eager paws.
And you know what is uglier than ugly ?
A smug-looking grumpy cat.
Zorro showing off how happy and cute he is… yuck !
It’s Friday and that means… Friday Ark !!! Not to mention The Carnival of the Cats, over at Skittles, the Weekend Cat Blogging by Mind of Mog and the Bad Kitty Cats Festival of Chaos done at Catsynth‘s. Go visit there and meet all kinds of interesting kitties !!!